Most of those tiny humans are basically action figures, and one good kick clears a crowd.

A hundred opponents means a hundred biting, scratching little terrors coming at you from every angle.

Your center of gravity is sensible, and size 15 shoes aren’t impossible to find.

You’re navigating the world with canoes strapped to your feet and everyone notices immediately.

You arrive knowing every major historical event before it happens, which is enormous personal leverage.

No antibiotics, no anesthesia, and no Internet.

Everyone hands you opportunities, talks you up in rooms you aren’t in, and expects great things.

Eventually someone asks you to deliver on all that reputation and you’ve got nothing to show.

You get to freeze a perfect moment and live inside it as long as you want.

Pausing your life doesn’t pause your problems, it just delays them.

Ketchup on a pancake is sweet meets tangy, which is closer to normal taste logic than it sounds.

Every bite betrays your expectations of what a pancake is supposed to be.

Milk is a familiar, comforting base, and onion flavor fades fast.

No one ever asked for a runnier onion dip.

You get a precise countdown, letting you plan farewells, bucket list items, and your final meal.

Every birthday becomes a mental calculation, and negotiating the last few weeks would feel unbearable.

Soap bubbles are genuinely delightful.

A bad cold means your face is basically a bubble machine running at full capacity for a week.

A stray like on an old photo happens to nearly everyone, so there’s comfort in the shared shame.

The recipient now knows you were deep-diving their profile at 11 PM on a Tuesday.